Welcome to my madness

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 05:40:13 GMT

If you have seen over 60, you have no life.

(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
() Boondock Saints
(5) The Mexican
(6) Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
() Neverending Story
() Blazing Saddles
() Airplane
(7) The Princess Bride
() Young Frankenstien
(8) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(9) Napoleon Dynamite
(10) Saw
() White Noise
() White Oleander
() Anger Management
(11) 50 First Dates
() Jason X
(12) Scream
(13) Scream 2
(14) Scream 3
(15) Scary Movie
(16) Scary Movie 2
(17) Scary Movie 3
(18) American Pie
(19) American Pie 2
(20) American Pie the Wedding
(21) Harry Potter
() Harry Potter 2
() Harry Potter 3
() Harry Potter 4
(22) Resident Evil I
(23) Resident Evil 2
(24) The Wedding Singer
(25) Little Black Book
(26) The Village
() Donnie Darko
() Lilo & Stitch
(27) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(28) 13 Ghosts
() Signs
(29) The Grinch
(30) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() White Chicks
(31) Butterfly Effect
() Thirteen Going on 30
() I, Robot
(32) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
() A Series Of Unfortunate Events
() Along Came Polly
() Deep Impact
() KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
(33) Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(34) A Cinderella Story
() the Terminal
(35) the Lizzie McGuire Movie
(36) Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
() Dumb & Dumberer
(37) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
(38) Halloween
(39) The Ring
(40) The Ring 2
(41) Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies (H&K go to white castle)
() Practical Magic
() Chicago
() Ghost Ship
() From Hell
() Hellboy
() Secret Window
(42) I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Day After Tomorrow
(43) Child's Play
() Bride of Chucky
(44) Ten Things I Hate About You
(45) Just Married
() Gothika
(46) Nightmare on Elm Street
(47) Sixteen Candles
() Coach Carter
(48) Bad Boys
(49) Bad Boys 2
(50) Joy Ride
() Se7en
() Oceans eleven
() Ocean's Twelve
() Identity
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator I
() Predator II
(51) Independence Day
(52) Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(53) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Boss' daughter
(54) Maid in manhattan
() Frailty
() Best Bet
(55) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(56) She's All That
() Calendar girls
() Sideways
() Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
() Ever After
(57) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(58) X-Men
(59) X-Men 2
(60) Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(61) Catch Me If You Can
() The Others
(62) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
(63) Cruel Intentions
(64) The Hot Chick
(65) Swimfan
() Miracle
() Old School
(66) The Notebook
() K-Pax
() Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
() Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
() Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(67) Walk to Remember
() Boogeyman
(68) Hitch
() The Fifth Element
(69) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(70) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(71) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
() Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
() Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
() Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
(72) Troop Beverly Hills
() Swimming with Sharks
() Air Force One
() For Richer or Poorer
() Trainspotting
() People Under the Stairs
() Blue Velvet
() Sound of Music
(73) Parent Trap 1
() Parent Trap 2
() The Burbs
() The Terminator
() Empire Records
() SLC Punk
() Meet Joe Black
() Nightmare Before Christmas
() The Silence of the Lambs
(74) Sleepy Hollow
() I Heart Huckabees
() 24 Hour Party People
() Blood In Blood Out
() The Virgin Suicides

My friend Kelly had 90

2005

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 07:40:24 GMT

*January*

1. did you have a new year's resolution this year?: Of Course
2.Who kissed you at midnight? No one...well besides my mom
3. does it snow where you live? Too much
4. do you like hot chocolate? I adore it
5. have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop? Nope...too big of a crowd
6. Best thing about January? Days off from school

*February*

1. who was your valentine in 2005? No one...I was lonely
2. what did your valentine get you? Nothin
3. when you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Even when I'm big I do it
4. Best thing about February? Love:)

*March*

1. are you Irish? Of course
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? I think I did
3. what did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? Worked at the desk
4. Best thing about March? Spring break:)

*April*

1. Do you like the rain? Only rain, no storms
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? I tried
3. do you get tons of candy on easter? Sometimes
4. Best thing about April? The UB Concert

*May*

1. What's your favorite kind of flower? Daisy
3. Do you like the spring? I guess so
4. Finish the phrase: April showers..bring May flowers!
5. What would you think of as a spring color? Light pink
6. Best thing about May? I'm done with school til August

*June*

1. What year did/do you graduate from school? 2003 (hs) 2007 college
2. Did you go on any vacations last June? Yea right
3. Best thing about June? Sleeping

*July*

1. What did you do on the 4th of July? Worked...we set fireworks off in the McDonalds parking lot
2. do you go on any vacations during this month? No way
3. Best thing about July?? Dante's birthday party

*August*

1. did you do anything special to end off your summer? Found an amazing boy
2. what was your favorite summer memory of '05? Dante's party...drinking:)
3. do you go swimming a lot in the summer? I work too much
4. do you go to the beach a lot? Never
5. Best thing about August? Knowing I'm done with work for a while

*September*

1. Did you attend school? Oh yea
2. who is/was your favorite teacher? Johnson
3. do you like fall better than summer? Sometimes...I like the temperature
4. Best thing about September? My birthday:)

*October*

1. what was your favorite halloween costume ever? Little devil
2. what's your favorite candy? Shocktarts
3. what did you dress up like this year? Nothing...I went home
4. Best thing about October? Seeing kids in costumes

*November*

1. whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving? Anyone's...but we stayed home
2. Do you like stuffing? My mom's
3. what are you thankful for? Everything
4. Best thing about November? Football

*December*
1. do you celebrate christmas? Yep
2. have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? Nope
3. what do you want this year for christmas? New DVD player
4. what's the best present you ever got for Christmas? My Engagement ring:)
5. how was your last christmas? Not too bad
6. do you like cold weather? I'm a southern girl at heart...nope
7. How would u rate your 05? Not bad....like a 6 on a scale of 1-10

Surveys...yay

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 07:33:17 GMT

strange one
Body: Body: The Hard ones.....

1)Which person you know has changed you the most?
My mommy..she's so amazing its hard to even describe it

2)If you could relive any moment of your life, what would it be and why?
The night before my dad died...I would tell him I love him more

3)Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, and why?
Kelly...she always makes me think

4)What do you think is your best quality?
Personality

5)What do you think is the best quality a person can have?
Caring

6)What is something you've always wanted to do?
Move away from NW Indiana

7)If you had to lose one of the five senses, which would you be willing to lose first?
Touch

Ok these arent too hard:

1)What one song do you think is overplayed way too much?
Golddigger

2)Describe the weirdest pair of pants you own?
Don't have any
3)What's your most prized possession (an object) that you couldn't live without?
Lipgloss or my Sox teddy bear

10 of your favorite things
1. Sleep
2. Lip Gloss
3. Keith
4. Friends
5. Music
6. Valpo
7. My 2 sorority sisters I adore
8. New Orleans
9. Animals
10. The OC

8 random things about yourself
1. I want to have a pig for a pet one day
2. I can only sleep with one pillow
3. I have to have a blanket to sleep...even when its hot
4. Sometimes I just love to sit and stare into space
5. I almost laughed when Keith proposed
6. I sleep with a teddy bear
7. I love shopping...too much
8. I would choose sleeping over pretty much anything

7 movies you love
1. Save The Last Dance
2. The Wizard of Oz
3. Willy Wonka
4. A Walk To Remember
5. Saw
6. Scream
7. Cruel Intentions

5 of your best friends
1. Kelly
2. Jen
3. Beth
4. Keith
5. Debby

4 things you need to do before today ends
1. Go to class
2. E-mail some people
3. Take a nap
4. Put up my board

3 things you cant go a day without
1. POP
2. Sleep
3. Music

3 things you look for in a girl/guy
1. Smart
2. Caring
3. Sense of Humor

Deep Questions

I. What if

...You could be beautiful but stupid or ugly but
intelligent?:
ugly and intelligent

...You had the choice to either die young without pain
or older with pain?:
Older with pain

...You could be rich and famous and unhappy or poor
and happy?:
Poor and happy

You could be fat and marry the guy/girl of your
dreams or skinny and marry no one?:
fat and marry

You were kidnapped?:
I would probably freak out

You had to chose between saving your true love or
best friend and could only save one, but could
sacrifice yourself to save both?:
save both and sacrifice myself

You were about to die in three weeks?:
I'd do everything I've always wanted to do

You could live in another era?:
70's...disco baby!

You had the choice between life in prision or death
penalty?:
life in prison... but I'd probly die of boredem anyway.

You had the choice between a high paying but boring
job, or a reasonable-paying fun job.
reasonable-paying fun job.

II. Would you

Sacrifice a big job if it meant being with your first
love?:
Yea

Sacrifice your health for lesser health and greater
happiness?:
Oh yea

Move away from your family?:
New Orleans here I come

Have children knowing they will develop a fatal
disease and die before age five?:
Maybe

Give a close friend or family member $5,000 even
though they could never pay you back and you had the
money?:
I do it all the time (Ok not 5 grand)

Give a speech in front of the entire world?:
Hell NO!!!

Eat something molded?:
Yuck

III. Have you ever

Written a Love letter?
Of course

Been to jail?:
To visit someone

Had something published?:
I write for the paper

Said something you regret?:
When don't I?

Done something illegal while driving besides
speeding?:
I don't drive

Done something you regret with all your heart?:
All the time

IV. Which is worse

Dying alone or dying in pain?:
dying alone

Being rejected or being betrayed?:
being betrayed

Being in a car crash or choking?:
Choking

Being Deaf or Blind?:
Deaf

Breaking your arm or your leg?:
breaking my arm

Having a cold or a headache?:
Cold

Upset stomach or throwing up?:
Throwing Up

Burning alive or drowning?:
Burning Alive

V. Took a risk

Proclaimed your love?
Oh yea

Asked your dream guy/girl out?:
Nope

Decided to live on your own?:
At school, yes

Been through a grave yard late at night?:
Nope

Didnt wear a seatbelt with a police officer nearby?
yes

Called the police?:
Being an RA...of course

Memory lane

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 09:49:32 GMT

So I decided to take a trip down memory lane and look at all my old journal postings and e-mails. Don't ask me why I did this, every once in a while I want to remember where I'm coming from. I have made some conclusions as to times and places I would love to return to. These will be sappy, I promise that, but I love to remember things and sometimes you just need to post it:)

I want to go back:

To the day before my dad died. I wouldn't have went to sleep or to school and just would have been there, not only to see him but to say goodbye. I would relive this day over and over if it meant that I wouldn't ever have to be without my dad.

To the night I met Bryan. Who would have known that the annoying brat that I didn't want to meet would have made such a profound impact on my life? And who in the hell would have known that I would have falled in love with him? That night was perfect, from the stupid flirting, to sharing Sour Patch Kids, to being a chicken and realizing that we both were and couldn't kiss each other. It was so random how we fell for each other but it has lasted for almost 5 years now.

To the night I got in the big fight with Amy and we stopped talking. If I would have known I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her mom I would have never gotten in that fight. This is one of those moments I would like to go back and change.

The first moment Bryan realized he really did love me. After so long and everything we had been through it was amazing to hear those words come from his mouth and actually mean it.

To graduation. I never realized that I would have to fight so hard for that moment, and that makes it so much sweeter. I also never realized that I wouldn't be as close to those people that were my life for over 6 years. I would love to just spend more time with them, before everyone changed.

To the summer before college. Who would have known that Dustin would become another of those guys that I became so involved with. We could leave out some of that summer (Mitch) but definately keep in Dustin and my first date and all the dates following it. He was so sweet back then...what happened? lol

To the night I left Mary. I never met someone I clicked so well with. We were so much alike but she had to leave me:( I wish I could go back to the night I left and just give her another hug and cry some more.

Valentine's Day freshman year. Yes, I did some stupid stuff, and yes I got wasted, but I want to go back and relive that night. It was the first time I did something unlike me and I LOVED it. Yea, I would change some of my decisions, but I would keep alot the same (carrying around the cranberry juice bottle with the vodka in it cause I was drinking so much)

The moment I realized that I have the greatest group of friends in the world. I'm so glad Bethany became a bitch; if she hadnt I probably never would have become friends with these amazing people. And I would have never met my bestest friend in the whole world.

The ADPi formal. Jen was trashed, people were throwing drinks in my hands..what could be better? Maybe if I could go back to that moment I would never have to realize that my sorority was closing and I would miss out on the best memories of my life.

The moment I recieved my RA letter. I knew everything I finally wanted was coming true. And I realized I was finally becoming the person I wanted to become.

The moment the bitch moved out of my room. A whole year's worth of stress was finally gone. Too bad it was so close to the end of the year.

My last night of McDonalds this summer. I knew that all the stress and hell I had been through that summer was finally over and I could just kick back and relax. And with tons of guys hitting on me it was awesome. I loved the water fight, which took longer than it should have to clean up, and just saying goodbye and knowing I had done a damn good job running floors that summer.

My first floor meeting. Although I was scared to death of looking like a loser I knew I had this moment to show the girls I was awesome and also help them get used to Valpo.

To any part of the New Orleans trip. Honestly and truely one of the two most important moments of my life (right next to my dad) I have never had anything affect me like that. I would love to be there right now, living every moment down there, but that will come soon.

There's probably tons more that I am forgetting but these are the ones that came to mind. I always try to remember where I came from, because no matter how hard I try to forget, all of these moments made me the person I am today. And I must say, I'm becoming prouder of myself every day:)

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 08:19:35 GMT

He'll know you can never say I love you too many times

But he knows not to say it if he doesn't mean it with all his heart

He'll tell me we're like Corey and Topanga

He'll give me his favorite sweatshirt

He'll make me a Build-a-Bear

And he wont care about how silly he looks being in a store full of 2nd graders

Because he knows it would be special to me

He`ll stay home with me and watch The Notebook

And he'll tell me he loved it even though he didn't

and the only person he would ever watch it with would be me

.He'll.call.me.at.3am.and.ask.me.what.i'm.doing.

He'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice

He cant walk next to me without holding my hand

And he always whispers something sweet in my ear

He'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band

And he wont get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends

When I cry he'll tell me I'm too beautiful to and he'll kiss every tear

He'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me

All of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them

When we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear

He'll tell me I'm a princess

And treat me like one too

He'll love everything about me and tell me that I'm perfect

We always end up laughing about silly fights

We wont get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it

Even if we're a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me

Every time he kisses me

He'll tell me he'd die without me

He'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I'm having a bad day

When we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose, then I'll put some all over his face

And we just never stop laughing

He's interested in everything I say, and he always cares about it

He'll buy me jewelry and bouncy balls from vending machines

He wont stop playing until he's won me a stuffed animal

He'll take walks with me in the snow, and we'll catch snowflakes on our tongues

Every time I even hear his name, it takes my breath away

And when I hear him speak, I'll fall in love all over again

He'll pay for me all the time even though I never want him to but I can never win

But with him I could never lose either

Because everything about him is just so wonderful

Perfect...

I'll be his everything

And he'll be even more to me

He will love me for always

Yea...don't get too excited

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 09:01:50 GMT

1. What do you think of me, Itunes? "Invisible Man" by 98 Degrees
2. Will I have a happy life? - "Brass Bed' by Josh Gracin
3. What do my friends really think of me? - "Best I Ever Had" by Gary Allen
4. Do people secretly lust after me? - "Prayin for Daylight" by Rascal Flatts
5. How can I make myself happy? - "Pop" by Nsync
6. What should I do with my life? "Shake it Off" by Mariah Carey
7. Why must life be so full of pain? "Santa Monica" by Savage Garden
8. What does my significant other think of me? "On Top" by the Killers
9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? "Out in the Parkin Lot" by Brad Paisley
10. Will I ever have children? - "Helena" by My Chemical Romance
11. Will I die happy? - "The Long One" by Josh Gracin
12. Can you give me some advice? - "Tilt Ya Head Back" by Nelly and Christina
13. What do you think happiness is? "All or Nothing" by Athena Cage

Some how find you and I collide....

Mon, 23 May 2005 04:53:40 GMT

In life, you don't get the people you want. Instead, you get the people you need... to teach you, to hurt you, to love you, to make you laugh... to make you exactly the way you should be.

How true is that quote? Sure...I have met a bunch of amazing people in my life, but I haven't always gotten the one I want. But everyone has made me who I am...bad and good.

So I've been home for a little over a week now and it has seemed like forever. I started working the day after I got home and have had one day off since then. We're so flippin short of people that I'm working overtime and so is a bunch of other people. Doesn't really bother me though cause I am finding time to hang out with other people. Speaking of other people...Dustin is treating me like a princess and telling me how he should have never left me in the first place...and I have Don and Keith too. What's a girl to do? I'm just happy wih the way things are going right now...no matter how much shit people at work talk about me they're never going to change me and I hope they realize that. So yea, so far all I've done is work, hang out with Keith, hang out with Dustin, and hang out with Don...my life is so interesting:)

The problem is I'm so in love with two...

Mon, 23 May 2005 04:47:07 GMT

So I have to post a useless post before a meaningful one:)

5 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING:
1. Socks
2. My three colored braclets
3. PJ Pants
4. ADPi shirt
5. Bra

5 THINGS YOU CAN SEE:
1. My computer
2. My nephew and brother in law (picture on the desk)
3. Pens
4. TV
5. My schedual for tomorrow

5 THINGS YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Filling this out
2. Listening to music
3. Thinking
4. Scratching my head
5. Yawning

5 THINGS YOU ATE IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:
1. Big Mac (no sauce)
2. Salad
3. 6 piece nugget
4. Chicken strips
5. Fries

5 THINGS YOU DID SO FAR TODAY:
1. Woke up
2. Went to Denny's with Keith
3. Went to work
4. Came home at a decent time
5. Changed into PJs

5 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR RIGHT NOW:
1. LeAnn Womack-I'm Gonna Love You Tonight
2. The dryer
3. Trucks driving
4. My sister's tv
5. Dogs

5 COLORS YOU CAN SEE:
1. Red
2. Black
3. Orange
4. White
5. Brown

5 THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD:
1. Sleep
2. Shower
3. Work tomorrow
4. Dustin
5. Cleaning my room

5 OBJECTS IN YOUR (old and soon new) ROOM YOU LOVE:
1. Tv
2. CDs
3. My bed
4. Clothes
5. my DVDs

5 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SMILE:
1. Kitty cats
2. The stars on a clear night
3. Seeing people I care about
4. Compliments
5. my work...on a good day

5 THINGS THAT YOU’RE LOOKING FORWARD TO:
1. Work tomorrow
2. Seeing Cameron
3. Maybe hanging out with Fisher
4. Star Wars
5. Sleep and a day off

5 PEOPLE YOU LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART:
1. My mommy
2. My VU friends (specially Jen and KB)
3. Bryan Allen
4. Dustin
5. Clay

Here in this diary I write...

Wed, 11 May 2005 22:55:09 GMT

So this is the "All the things I learned Sophomore year in college" post:

1) Being roommates with a friend can kill a friendship faster than a boy.
2) Sometimes its all about being goofy and fun
3) You really do meet people in college that will be friends forever
4) Living in the sorority dorm isn't bad...it actually is an enjoyable experience.
5) Cable is a wise investment
6) Sometimes you just suck up all your fear and do something
7) Boys in cowboy hats are freakin sexy
8) Sometimes the person you least expect is the one who did it
9) Sometimes you just have to forgive and forget
10) It is possible to eat chicken strips every freakin day
11) Fireman goggles are an important accessory
12) Sometimes people don't know how to be grown-up and it will affect you
13) Sometimes grown ups can be amazing
14) You have to take time for yourself every once in a while
15) Your mistakes are not mistakes...they are learning experiences...but you actually have to learn from them
16) When in Poland...don't drink the water;)
17) It is ok to ask for help every once in a while
18) There will be professors that don't understand, and those that do
19) You can't be good at everything
20) My language of love is gifts
21) Just being yourself is good enough
22) Cell phones are a necessary part of life
23) No matter what you do, your real friends will be there for you
24) That sometimes the most important people in your life can't be there every minute...but that's ok...cause they still care for you.

So I'm sitting in good old Scheele 338 right before my mom comes. Its pretty empty in here...very sad. I never realized how much I'm going to miss this place, or these people. Everything has been great since Thursday...makes me happy for next year. But the mother should be here any minute so I'm gonna go...hopefully I'll have tons of fun stories to write in here this summer:) And maybe a boy...who knows:)

Sun, 01 May 2005 03:45:11 GMT

Survey:

Have You Ever...?
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) smoked a joint
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) got a free ride from a cop
(x) made out with a stranger(s)
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your friends
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten sushi
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
( ) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/SCHOOL
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
( ) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
( ) thought you were dead
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
(x) recently coloured with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise/set with people you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed PENIS in public
( ) screamed VAGINA in public
(x) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
( ) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
( ) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) been scared to watch scary movies
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
(x) pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
( ) mooned someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) slept naked
( ) French braided someone's hair
( ) grown a beard
(x) rule at life
( ) had a pet hedgehog

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 05:52:53 GMT

Best quote I've heard in a long time:

We're like a bank account: We can't keep taking what we don't have. Sooner or later we're going to end up with a negative balance or worse. We can't give what we don't have."-Dr. Phil

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 06:11:25 GMT

This is what I'm looking for...who would have known this is so hard to find:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without make up. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you... The one who turns to his friends and says "thats MY girl"

And this one is so very true also:

You might not be his first, his last, or his only. He's cared about someone else before, and he possibly will again, but if he cares for you now, then what else matters? He's not perfect and you aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect, but if he can make you laugh at least once, hold onto him, and give him the most you can. He is probably not going to quote poetry, he might not be thinking about you every second of the day, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break. So don't hurt him, don't change him and don't expect more than he can give. Don't over analyze, smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there.

How do you get that lonely and nobody know?

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 01:01:49 GMT

So the last post seems like forever ago. Yes, Dustin and I are over with...all because I had feelings for him. I've decided that since he couldn't mature in the situation and actually talk to me about it, he's not worth my time. I didn't take it too well at first, I will admit but I'm much better now. Certain songs still get to me but you know what, I've still got alot of leavin to do. I don't want a relationship at all for a long time. Even when I decide I want a relationship I think about it and realize how much it would just tie me down...plus I can't find a guy I click with. School is almost out and I can't wait. Work this summer is gonna be interesting, especially since they are no longer going to know anything about my private life. And if Dustin doesn't talk to me...oh well. Guess I learned how good of a friend he is. Life seems to be coming back to me. I'm trying to push myself along but all that Dustin stress made me sick and I hate being sick. But every weekend from now til the end of school is full of fun stuff to do, plus some homework thrown in. Then this summer is going to be working as much as possible so I can pay everything off and get my car. Even if it means I have no life this summer besides work I don't care...not like I talk to anyone from home anymore. My life is in Valpo. Everyone I care about and everything I do is here, no where else anymore. I'm trying to find another job for next summer so I don't have to be at McDonalds anymore. That place is not for me anymore. I feel like I'm outgrowing all the drama and gossip there.

It only hurts when I'm breathing

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 08:08:33 GMT

So in a matter of a week my whole life has been turned upside down. Cameron has managed to come in and throw my world for a loop...and in the process completely break my heart. How, you may ask. Its not because of him...its because of Dustin. I honestly and truely care for him more than anyone in the past..all of a sudden Cameron goes over there and I get a text message that says I have been dismissed. What Cameron could have said that would make him act like this, I don't know. All I know is I'm crying and I haven't cried over a boy in a long time. This hurts...more than anything has hurt lately.

The good, the bad and in between...you found me:)

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 05:08:44 GMT

So once again its been a while since I have posted. I love having one class on Tuesday/Thursday and its one of those with no reading. Let's see here...I guess I'll just start with this weekend. I had a blast this weekend...even if my work almost did kill me. I knew if I bitched enough I would get hours this weekend and man did I. I was home like 20 minutes before Clay called me. I ended up working from 2-11:45 on Friday night. We were so busy and I just wanted to scream and run away. Dustin picked me up and I spent the night at his house. Honestly, he is so amazing to me that it scares me. It was kinda funny...I told him I could see myself marrying him, and instead of running away like he typically would, he looked me in the eyes and said "Yea, I can see that." *sigh* I'm so glad me and him started hanging out again...I love our conversations and the way that he knows me so well. Then Saturday he took me to work and I ended up working 4-close. Cameron got out of jail on Friday I guess. He called me, while I was really busy, and I proved to everyone you can talk on the phone and be by yourself in grill. I dunno what's going on there or even if things got worked out but we'll see. He apologised numerous times for being a complete and total jerk to me. After work I got dressed, and went to the strip club with Don, Cat, and Fisher. The car ride was interesting...with Matt trying to find my spot and Don being really quiet. The club was tons of fun...I got a lap dance...Matt did too...Cat did too...Don didn't quite feel comfortable there...and I think I kind of respect him more for that. On the ride home Fisher tried to get me drunk and started kissing my neck...that was really weird...nothing I want to happen ever again. I ended up being dropped off at work, put my uniform on, and went to work...after no sleep. Sunday we were busy as hell and had no one there to work. I get the feeling that this summer is going to be 65 hour weeks for me. Which will be nice, cause I will get my car and everything paid off. I headed back here and went to sleep...after going 33 hours with no sleep. This week should be pretty easy...my only test this week is over and now I have one more quiz left before the end of the year. All I need to do is get enough sleep and everything will be good.

My weekend consists of:
Friday
Hanging out
Working on my art paper
Maybe DJing the freshman formal/doing a radio show
Movie night

Saturday
Formal dance with Cat at home

Sunday
Something Corporate stuff all day

Only like 4 more weeks...I cannot wait:)

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 06:19:42 GMT

Is it bad that this song could describe me? lol

"Candy Shop"
(feat. Olivia)

[Intro: 50 Cent]
Yeah...
Uh huh
So seductive

[Chorus: 50 Cent & Olivia]
[50 Cent]
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)
[Olivia]
I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Verse 1: 50 Cent]
You can have it your way, how do you want it
You gon' back that thing up or should i push up on it
Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level
Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle
I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor
Have your friends teasin you 'bout how sprung I gotcha
Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem
Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm tryin to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)

[Chorus]

[Bridge: 50 Cent & Olivia]
Girl what we do (what we do)
And where we do (and where we do)
The things we do (things we do)
Are just between me and you (oh yeah)

[Verse 2: 50 Cent]
Give it to me baby, nice and slow
Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo
You ain't never heard a sound like this before
Cause I ain't never put it down like this
Soon as I come through the door she get to pullin on my zipper
It's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind
So seductive, you should see the way she wind
Her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind
As Long as she ain't stoppin, homie I aint stoppin
Drippin wet with sweat man its on and popping
All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle its on
And we gon' sip til every bubble in every bottle is gone

You love me but you don't know who I am....

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 06:04:16 GMT

So this is going to be my quick, I have time and am bored, update. Here's a breakdown of Spring Break

Week 1-Work...lots of it..enough for overtime
Hung out with Dustin
Hung out with Amy
Hung out with Keith
Got called a homewrecker for something I didn't do

Week 2-Work...and it was early
Sleep

Week since Spring Break- Attempted to get everything done. I'm gonna get an F in my Soc class no matter what I do so I said screw it. I'm gonna kick butt in every other class and make my activities a bigger part of my life. I have no clue where my love life is. Bryan basically called me a slut and told me I sleep with everyone...so yea, he's out of the picture. I have tons of guys like throwing themselves at me but for some reason I don't want any of them. Maybe its the fact that they are all nice guys and I still want my soldier...I want my tough guy who will defend me yet cause some trouble. Maybe that's why I want Huffer..or maybe he's just adorable. Plus Cam gets out in less than a month...I wrote him a letter asking him about this Cary chick..lets see what he says to that. Supposedly he's moving to Texas...but who knows. I'm just kinda goin with the flow...getting everything back together after it all fell apart. Hey..no more early classes:) YAY!!!

I'm bored so I decided to post

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 23:52:32 GMT

So yea, I'm really bored so I decided to post. My Spring Break is now...after spring break I have to kick myself into gear. My Soc teacher is trying to get me to drop the class, but if I drop that class I'm screwed cause I'll be at 10 credits, and I need 11 to stay full time or maybe its 12...I dunno. So I'm practically begging for a second chance from her. I'm gonna go home and get some meds for my stomach and hopefully everything will be fine there. I dunno, I think I was just in a slump this week...something just didn't feel right so I decided to give up until Spring Break. But I figure after Spring Break is like 7 weeks...I can do it:) This Spring Break will be interesting. Besides working a ton, and trying to keep in touch with the fam, and babysitting for Destiny sometime, I will be going on like 20 dates and attempting to visit Cameron. Speaking of Cameron, I got a letter from him today. He keeps telling me how amazing I am (as a person) and how he owes me majorly. Its funny though how he hasn't mentioned the chick that he slept with the day before he went to jail yet. I mentioned something about it in my letter, lets see if he tells me. I asked my boss for next year if homicide is allowed for RAs and they told me no...damn it...guess I'm just gonna have to suck it up for these next 49 days. wait...its actually 50 because this 7 weeks isn't over yet...damn it...lol. I can do it...I know I can.

Take her or leave her she will still be the same

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 06:32:47 GMT

So this has been a pretty eventful week for me:) I only have one more day until my Spring Break officially starts...ok one class and one midterm which I am not ready for at all. This damn art class is going to be the death of me...not really cause hopefully tomorrow I will be able to wake up and study some more. I did get happy news this week...next year I will be an RA in Alumni:) That has to be one of the most exciting things ever for me. Plus I have a couple of dates lined up for my Spring Break which is awesome. I just wish I enjoyed being in my room...I hate it again. I talked to Dustin for 3 hours tonite...I miss talking to him. He's having some issues so he needed someone to talk to. I dunno...I think my mind is already on Spring Break which isn't good...oh well...its so close I could taste it:)

That's just what I needed

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 05:09:02 GMT

So this weekend was exactly what I needed right now. Friday I woke up bright and early so I could go home to work. I ended up going in an hour early and worked a 4-11:30 shift. Keith tried to take me to his house and Fisher tried to get me to his house but I was good and didn't go to either. Instead I went home and talked to Bryan on the phone. I guess we are dating again...who knows:) Then Saturday I woke up to Dawn Beals (my boss) on the phone asking me to come in a couple hours early...then I got asked to stay a couple hours late. So I ended up doing a 12:30-11 shift...doesn't that sound like fun? Then today I woke up and worked a 11-5:30 shift. Seriously though, all the long hours aside, I could not have pictured myself doing anything else this weekend. I adore the people I work with...they made any bad things I was thinking disapear. They helped me realize that I do not need to wait for Cameron...if anything is gonna happen it will happen April 23rd when he gets out. I cannot just throw 2 months of my life away to sit here and wait for something that I don't even know is definate. Besides, Sara said it best...why am I gonna wait for him when I don't think he would wait for me if I went somewhere. I keep getting more and more guy options....and my Brandon is now 17...SWEET:) lol. But yea, a great weekend full of fun, friends, and lots of tickling...and a nice red mark on my leg from a towel...here's to a great and QUICK week.

I'm losin my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:51:33 GMT

Ok, yes, I've posted twice in one day (although this one will show up on another day) This is due to the major emotional rollercoaster I am going through now. It really hit me that Cameron is gone for 4 months. Yes, that doesn't seem like a long time and it could be worse, but 4 months is a long time. The sad thing is I don't know how long I can hold on to the hopes of me and him. Yes, as a friend I could hold on forever, but a relationship, that seems very hard now. For all that do not know, we were going to go on a date Sunday. Well he got called into work so we couldn't...I took a raincheck for next time I saw him and everything was going to be fine. Monday he sat online telling me how much he cares for me and telling me how much he will miss me if he goes to jail. He got off the computer cause he was gonna go to sleep and reminded me how much he cares for me...unknown to me, he went with Tiffany to the store and he met up with some chick he knew from before. Yea, she stayed the night and they had sex like three times. Supposedly he feels really bad about it and was gonna tell me himself but Tiffany told me cause I wanted to know. I know we aren't "together" but we're at least dating, I wish he would have thought of that before he did anything. How do you hold on to something that you can't decide if it needs to be held onto? I honestly care for him alot, more than it has been in a while, but will he hold me back? There are so many guys right now that I would love to have a chance with...hell I got an offer to go to Florida to see my friend Joe. But it would be so hard for me to push aside any feelings I have for the jail bird and just go. Why did he fucking get me involved in this? Life was going just fine, everything couldn't have been better...enter Cameron. He has turned my life upside down and thrown it in circles. Through all the bullshit he has put me through, like always, I have stood by and just wanted to be there for him. I wrote him a long letter last nite, hoping to knock some sense into him. I told him how great he was and how even though I don't fit his typical "dyed hair, goth looking chick" I will be the best girl he has ever found. I really hope that when he writes me he tells me about the chick. If he doesn't, that will really show me how long I should hang on for. Its only been two days and I'm already going crazy, how am I gonna handle four months? I still need to talk to Clay...hopefully he will give me some insight into what I should do and how I should handle things. I'm sitting here listening to "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down and crying. I look up at my board and there is his picture...I look at my bed, there is my pig...I miss him. I honestly and truely miss him. How did I get so wrapped up so quick? Damn him..I want to just punch him and scream but all I can do is cry by myself and try to move on with my life. Everyone around me is amazed at how well I'm taking it...I'm such a good actress. While I may seem to be taking it well (hell I even dressed nice today) I'm pretty much breaking down inside. I hate this feeling...where is Bry when I need him? Or Clay...those two guys can make the world so much better...probably has something to do with the love I have for them. Ok, I'm going to attempt to sleep...clutching my pig and counting down the next months...

118 days and counting

"I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight, its only you and me."

How long can I hold on?

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:02:37 GMT

So the verdict came....Cameron will be spending 4 months in jail; 2 if he pays $680. I honestly have no clue what I'm gonna do now. I was expecting 45 days or 30 days...not 120. I promised him I would come visit him, put money on his books, and write him but 4 months is a long time. I know my sister did more than that for Steve but they were together for a long time. I dunno what I'm gonna do honestly. I have so many other guys...hell my friend Joe is offering to fly me down to Flordia to spend time with him. I know I could hold on to him as a friend but I dunno about anything more at this point. I know I have to keep going with my life, which is what I'm attempting to do. Even though I feel like death right now I'm still going to class and doing all my homework. I already wrote him and told him how much I miss him already. Damn him for getting in trouble and involving me in it...indirectly but I'm still in it. I think I just need time to think and talk to Clay...he always makes things better:)

I'm carryin your love with me...

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 07:09:27 GMT

So today was Valentine's Day...I had two Valentine's Bryan and Cameron...sucks that neither of them were here. Oh well though...it was a good day. Just relaxed, did some homework, went to some class, took a nice nap and now I'm chillin here playin some solitare while listening to my new George Strait and Terri Clark cds. I REALLY hope Cameron doesnt go back to jail tomorrow. He's trying so hard to clean up his act, I really wish he could stop drinking but oh well. I would be a wreck again which none of us need. YAY for sappy love songs...I've found a couple that describe our slow, very slow situation...but you know what. I've had many fast pased relationships...and by far, this slow one has been better. (well besides Bryan)

Better be street if you're lookin at me. I need a soldier

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 06:47:14 GMT

So this was a good weekend. Let me do a quick recap:

Friday-woke up, mom picked me up, watched the kids, went to my work, cleaned my room, went shopping with Tiffany, Eric, Destiny, and Cameron, ate with them, went to McDonalds with Cameron, danced with Fisher, went to Speedway, went home, chatted with Cameron, listened to music, slept

Saturday- Woke up, got ready, babysat Destiny, watched X-Men 2, got elbowed by Cameron in my sleep, almost fell off the bed cause his ass likes to take up the whole thing

Sunday- Woke up to Cameron jumping on the bed, watched Destiny while Eric and Cameron fixed the brakes, hung out with Tiffany and Eric, played with Destiny, tickled Keith a bunch, went to the store with Tiffany, came home, got food, relaxed, now I'm talking to Cameron and Clay

So this weekend was great. Cameron and I spent lots of time together just relaxing and getting to know each other. We are going to take things REALLY REALLY slow. Other than that it was great watching Destiny...I do want kids one day. When she cuddled up to me to fall asleep my heart just melted. I love that little girl to death, I'm gonna be lost without her this week...I feel like she might be lost without me too. But I get to come home in like 4 days...YAY...that doesn't seem too far away now. I'm staying at home until Monday morning...it would just work better this way.

I got a rose and pig...well and an elbow to the eye in the middle of the night but that's ok:)

I love this crazy, tragic sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 07:56:26 GMT

So I had to make a post and say how absolutely great my day went. Let's list the reasons:

1) My soc class- I had no clue if I understood the readings/assignment yet I had basically the same answers as the teacher.
2) I ripped apart my art test..at least a B...which will bring me up to a C in the class....sweet:)
3) UB- I felt like I did everything needed of me...thought of ideas and helped clean
4) CAMERON IS OUT OF JAIL and I got to talk to him. Anyone who has been around me lately knows that this has been weighing heavy on me...so this is just amazing. I've missed the jail bird.
5) a GREAT RA interview-minus Stacy I think I did great...and I really hope I did
6) Stacy visited me at the desk-as did Allie, Roomie, and Jamie...and Stacy bought pizza...yay for my friends:)
7) I talked to butthead and attempted to make him feel better

Now the sad points of the day:
1) All this drama with Sam and Cameron. I can completely understand why Cameron is hurt..if my family wouldn't help me I would be upset too. I can kinda see Sam's point but I think if my broke ass was finding ways to help, he could have too. I just wish I knew what was real and what wasn't.
2) I didn't get all my reading done due to my visitors but oh well...that's what Chapel Break is for:)
3) All this tension in my room...oh well...things happen...

I get to go home this weekend and see everyone...YAY:) (Can you tell I'm excited about that?) Ok..here's to tomorrow...please let it be as great as today!